Be Aggressive

I watch “The Passion of the Christ” every few years. As someone who has been programed to hear God best through movies and literature- coupled with the ability to learn visually- it’s a supplementary reminder of Christ’s sacrifice and a film that the Lord uses greatly in my life.

So I’m watching it today. And the beginning starts in the Garden (for you visual learners, it’s this part here.) And I’m amazed how new life started in a garden much like the old did- Gethsemane, Eden. And how our Lord got it right and changed everything.

And I am struggling with temptation and stress. It is comforting to see the God of All right there, right in the middle of the most overwhelming event in history, face splotchy with blood and sweat, and still talking to God. Still willing to to whatever it takes.

But what’s really hitting me is how Jesus deals with Satan.  When the devil shows up, Jesus keeps praying. He keeps conversing to His Father, whether He responds or not. He clings, emotions aside. This action speaks of knowledge and confidence in a truth that supersedes all.

When Satan asks whom He belongs to, Jesus is still praying, “Adonai, Adonai.” Father, Father. Sometimes getting rid of Satan is as easy is stating your identity- a child of the King.

When Satan semi-manifests as a snake, Jesus gets aggressive- literally stomping on it’s head with one decisive strike, not even giving it a chance to tempt (another rectification of Eden). We too can do this. One of the best things I’ve ever heard is Pastor Perry Noble instructing his congregation to tell Satan to “go to Hell, the only place he belongs,” when under temptation. Do it! It’s effective. Throw some Scripture at him. Be feisty- do not take him lying down.

I also love that Satan is the only thing here that receives Jesus’ wrath. Notice how he peacefully goes with the soldiers came to arrest him, who taunt Him. Instead of throwing lightning bolts, he heals after Peter’s violence leaves one ear-less. “Those who live by the sword will die by the sword, ” he says with all the patient exasperation of a parent. Yet remember how the Armor of God includes the Sword of the Spirit (“the word of God”; Ephesian 6:17); our aggression is for the evil in the spiritual realms. If Peter really wanted to help, he could have stayed awake to pray as Jesus had asked.

Lastly, I found it powerful that here Satan is depicted as using simple taunts to depress Jesus. When describing the futility of Christ’s mission and his ability to succeed, Satan just says, “No. Never,” unblinkingly and with incredible focus. Satan, who sucks, knows our weakness, can hone in on them with the precision of heat-seeking missile, and oftentimes works in really simple ways to throw us off. Indeed, he is a roaring lion waiting for the opportune moment.  (1 Peter 5:8, horribly paraphrased.) The good news? He will not win. The only place for him is Hell and that is where he will stay eternally. Jesus wins! Remember this, cling to this on bad days. It’s true!

While “The Passion of the Christ” is by no means a replacement for the Bible, I see it as a conduit to spiritual understanding and growth. The knowledge of our Lord Jesus can be found anywhere, I believe; we’ve just got to look.

My prayer is that you revel in the beauty of our Savior Jesus this Easter.

All my love,

Courtney xoxo

Study Break

Today. Wow. What a day. Work. Act. Drink copious amounts of Diet Coke to stay functioning. Eat on the go. Repeat.

But I’m taking a study break RIGHT NOW and making a joy list. Of good things that I’m reveling in today. Er- of yesterday, (what? when? how? so many question words!) rather.

Ahhem. (Voice clearing noise).

1. I discovered how to make sweet tea in the Union. Not rocket science, I know. But I did it, I feel like a genius, and it has brought a bit of instant summer to my day.

2. Singin’ in the Rain

3. Laughter. Today was full of laughter.

4. This is probably one of the best things ever.

5. 8tracks. If you have not been, go. It’s what gets me through papers, room cleaning, and the process of getting ready for stuff when my own music just won’t suffice. It is better than Pandora, it is better than Spotify- just go.

6. To the person in Greece who decided one day, “Hey, let’s make some yogurt,” I thank you. Seriously, what.an.invention.

7. SPRING IS COMING.

8. “Remind Me” and “Defying Gravity” on full blast.

9. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

10. The encouragement of friends.

11. I am alive and breathing and here.

Love y’all- back to work!
xo,

Courtney

The To-Do List

Probably the most fun I’ve ever had for a class project. Funny how life can imitate art…

Long Time, No See (Here’s Why)

Ever bitten off more than you could chew?

Me. I have. (cue frantic waving hands) If you’ve had a convo with me of late, I’ve probably looked a bit harried, mention how my thesis is driving me up a wall, and then employed some creepy voice to assure you that I’m doing okay.

Because I am! I love the busy; I love feeling like I could burst with over-activity, and I love having the moments like this that are more precious because they are rare: sessions of pure me-ness, where I can write or read for pleasure or laugh with friends.

And y’all, I am not doing this crazy season of life alone. I believe with all my heart that my strength, patience, focus, and joy right now comes from my Father Jesus, and it’s on Him that I am leaning on to get me through.

It’s kind of cool to be here, this tension-filled place: if anything’s going to get done, it’s because God did the doing.

One of my activities for sanity these days has been reading through the Bible. It’s funny- I love books, but I haven’t completely read the only one that really matters. I’m excited to experience it whole, and am ready to learn and grow. I’ll be posting thoughts on each book once I’m done (key phrase: #ifIhavetime); I want to keep track of my thoughts, (hopefully) encourage you with them, and do something for me- blogging makes me happy, and so do words.

Hey: I love y’all. It’s a good day to be a Wildcat, it’s a good day to be alive. As my beautiful sister Gretchen likes to remind me, “be joyful always.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16)

xo,

Courtney

On Chinese Politics (Ha!)

Let me be clear- I am the last person you want to ask about the particulars of Chinese politics (although I did take the class). I’d be lying if I said I could spell out exactly what the Politburo does, or where Hu Jintao grew up; trust me, I’m working on it. However, I had the incredibly good fortune of living a rather colorful and adventuresome life smack dab in the Communist heartland- Shanghai in the fall, Beijing in the spring. It was a year of Chinese language study; I fried one half of my brain and began to long for essays and extensive readings, and culture and politics were picked up by a rude and necessary osmosis.

***

I remember riding with some friends in a cab through Chengdu. There’s this huge statue of Mao that looms over this smoggy square; it’s all there- the mole, the jacket, the puffy smile. He waves sweetly. Our taxi driver made sure we saw it as he took us by, all laughter and folk songs, calling the Chairman “grandfather.” This attitude was a divergence from the ambivalence for Mao expressed by my younger Chinese teachers; regardless, that politics had become so incredibly personal was striking. Last time I checked, I didn’t refer to George Washington as a kind uncle. Maybe that should be a thing?

A snugly panda munching in the preserve in Chengdu. So cute I considered kidnapping, which was quickly deemed impractical and unlawful.

***

So I just needed some me-time in Beijing.  Ok, some America time. It had just been one of those days. I paid for the ticket, made sure that Mission Impossible 4 definitely was in English, and tried to look as not-hopeless as possible as I found my assigned seat, a norm that I loved. Finally, lights down, film rolling, no trailers (sadness, my favorite part)- BUT a seal of approval from the Chinese government. A sort of hard-core MPAA for China? And so it was for every film I saw in-theatres abroad.

***

There were definitely times in my language classes when I realized how I was, unfortunately, playing up the ignorant American stereotype. I mean, you think you know your country’s politics and then you have a unit in which human rights and war and all this heavy heavy stuff is discussed, or the grammar is conducive to political discussion, and bam, you feel like an idiot. My teachers, on the other hand, knew it all, and much like the other Chinese I encountered, were incredibly well versed in global affairs. Don’t think that I am expressing surprise, as if I was expecting to encounter a country filled with the ignorant, but it became clear to me that there was a vast difference in what was considered current events/world history/political fluency at home and abroad. It was convicting. Lesson learned- there’s more to the newspaper than the entertainment section, Court. Luckily, my teachers were kind enough to only smile wryly when I tried to talk about Chinese politics.

***

I had promised my dad, a World War Two buff, that I’d visit Nanjing, the site of the Nanjing Massacre (also known as the Rape of Nanking). Context: in 1937, Japanese soldiers invaded the city, destroyed it, and in six weeks brutally killed, raped, and tortured 250,000 civilian Chinese. This event is considered the Holocaust of the East and continues to be a source of extreme friction between China and Japan today.

Nanjing, now rebuilt and housing a huge Ikea, is famous for the impressive museum and memorial to this dark spot in China’s past. Naturally, I wanted to go, as I come from a family with a penchant for museum- loving. Yet  it was as I was doing some preparatory research on this awful historical occurrence that I had my first hostile experience with the Great Chinese Firewall.

It was the creepiest thing- I had been reading, I had been scrolling, then, boom: “This Page Cannot Be Displayed.” It was sudden, as if a teacher had seen my texting during class and snatched my phone away from behind. I had known that the government blocked certain things on the internet (and I bought a VPN to navigate sites such as Facebook and Youtube), and it just never seemed like that big of a deal. It still doesn’t, but at that moment I felt as though someone was watching me and I was spooked.

***

One of the many statues that surround the reflection pool outside the Memorial Museum in Nanjing. This piece is a representation of an actual photo of a baby crying over the corpse of his mother.

When I finally got to the museum, a fascinating, well done memorial, I was overwhelmed by the intensity of it all, the openness with which the Chinese mourned. Listen: I had been to the Holocaust Museum in D.C., and that was tame in comparison. Nanjing’s moment was constructed on a mass burial site that the Japanese used all those years ago, and skeletons of men, women, and children were found all over the place. The solution? Build around them, show the world the atrocities. Here I was reading about this thing, and there were the victims. Literally right there. It was a strange, terrifying, powerful experience. Yet  I will never forget the conversation I had with Zhou 老师, or Teacher Zhou, my favorite instructor, about what I saw. She too had been to the museum, and seemed to find it all very manipulative. She had said, “A lot of it is created to make people mad, to hate the Japanese. And I understand why people would be angry, but why should I be upset at the Japanese of today? It’s not like they did anything to me.”

***

Because I am a foreigner and because I subscribe to one of the five faiths that the Chinese government tentatively permits, I didn’t have to worry much about worshiping openly on Sundays. Does that mean I went out evangelizing? No, because that’s a quick ticket to a grimy jail cell. That doesn’t stop the Chinese, though, whose access to churches isn’t as fluid as mine was. I had heard whispers of house churches (an underground, secret worship gathering), and my biggest regret of my entire experience abroad was that due to a cell phone mishap, I missed an opportunity to go to one.  Many in the U.S., especially those who were concerned about the state of my spirituality while abroad, see China as a godless nation. Sure, it’s strange to have to explain the historicity of Jesus to a teacher who didn’t know who he was. But there’s more Christians in China than people in the U.S. I was fine.

***

Shanghai, the Paris of the East. The New York City of the East. There’s a Morton’s, a Louis Vuitton with a façade totally covered in diamond-esque lights, and a skyline so beautiful it summoned James Bond. There’s a lot of talk about modernity vs. tradition; it’s vocab in my Chinese books, it’s kicked around in discussion. In China, it seems, to be young is to be covered in Western brands and sitting in 肯德基 （KFC）or 麦当劳 （McDonald’s）.  It appears that right now, as things are developing, the culture is being examined. “Does being first world mean dropping what makes us us?” So there’s Lucky Jeans and Hagendaas. But then you turn a corner and there’s the architecture and the roaring lion statues and an ancient temple. I loved that.

Here’s an “artsy” take of the Bund in Shanghai. Easily the most beautiful spot in the city, I took this on during my glamorous night in the Peace Hotel, also on the Bund.

Although this isn’t Shanghai (it’s West Lake in Hangzhou), I am so pleased with it and feels it represents nicely how tradition still thrives in China.

Food for Thought

Psalm 45:11:

The King is enthralled with your beauty. Honor Him, for He is Lord.

Dear Fellas

Truth: I am nearly 22 years old. I have never had a boyfriend- serious or otherwise- and have only been on two casual dates, one of which was my high school prom. For a long time I thought it was my problem. I was too awkward, too fat, too incapable and uninteresting (For the record, I was seeing myself through a very warped mirror.).  So I dieted, learned how to ask people questions, did a lot of social things that felt risky and uncomfortable so as to strengthen my latent relational muscle.  “Perhaps,” I thought, “I just need to put myself out there more and maybe [insert Jane Austen-esque fantasy here]…”

And nothing happened. Still. Nothing’s happened. And perhaps it continues to be my problem. Perhaps, being a member of Generation MTV, brought up with Disney and Barbie’s Dreamhouse, I am a dysfunctional customer of a culture that sold me a hyper –romantic myth of what relationships look like: sex sex sex or Kleinfelds.  I do watch a lot of movies.

But I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I’ve done my research. I talk to God about it; I see the way my dad loves my mom, how Papa Ben loved Grandma Alyce, and how incredible the contrast is between those relationships and the ones I see (or really, don’t see) here at Davidson. I’m convinced that there is a bigger problem, one that lies beyond my so-called social hang-ups, and I think it looks like this:

Watch Me

Much like in this scene from “The Deathly Hallows Part 1”, I think there is this big, black, Satan-fueled glob of lies that stand between Godly women and Godly men, keeping them (us! me!)  from truly understanding one another and otherwise messing up what should be relatively simple interactions. I think that there is something wrong about the fact that girls feel guilty for wanting to be asked to formals; that come Friday night, the same ladies are left lonely; that the majority of conversations women have with men are driven and instigated by those women; that at college breakfasts after church, the genders part much like the Red Sea. It’s dumb and I hate it, and I think we need to get real.

I want to take a few moments of your time, patient reader, to break down the lies I see from my perspective. I want to be clear that I am writing this not out of bitter spirit or a cheated heart; no.  In fact, this comes from a place of deep, humble love for my brothers in Christ, acknowledging that I, Courtney, don’t have it all together, but am seeing wasted potential in some incredible men of God.

So here I go.

Lie #1: “Let’s get lunch” means “let’s reproduce one day!”

Lie. I swear.

I dislike the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” in much the same way that I abhor the word “intentional.” While they both have their merits, I guess, I think their continual use in Christian culture has programmed women and men to think that what women only really want is marriage, and that until the men’s desires finally catch up with those of their female counterparts, that there is absolutely no point in interacting with them beyond a casual “how are you?” on the way to Chambers.

The collateral damage of this lie has been staggering, as I feel as though I am surrounded by man-boys that are, for the most part, totally incapable of having mature, one-on-one conversations with other women, their sisters in Christ. In the same vein, I feel as though I am surrounded by girls- myself included- who are constantly fighting a battle against discontentment and self-consciousness, wondering when it’ll be their turn to feel noticed- and since it hasn’t happened yet, what’s wrong with them? Furthermore, I feel as though the sexual tension that pervades even the simplest campus ministry meeting is a pungent and thick as smoke. I can’t help but be inclined to think that these problems wouldn’t be problems if we were okay with casual mingling.

Gentlemen, it’s what ladies want to do. Hang out! Go to the movies. Dance at the Court. Laugh over chicken parm at Commons. Get pretty for you because frankly we think you’re cute.  Ultimately, we just want to get to know you beyond the fact that you’re a Christian and a male. Contrary to popular belief, as much as we do want to get married eventually, no one is really truly biting at the bit to do it now. After all, we have to get into grad school and write a thesis and do everything else that we do. Seriously. When we say “let’s get lunch,” that’s really all we mean.

Lie #2: Just because us ladies are slightly more assertive these days, it must mean that we want to be treated like robots.

Go my gender. We can vote, we can have jobs, we can be President. Yaaaaaaaay us. Why does this scare you? My Christian lady friends and I still believe that women are programmed to be pursued by a Godly man, and I’ve heard it enough from the horse’s mouth that it creeps men out when the roles are reversed. Ok! The ball’s in your court. We can be patient, but take note: we won’t wait forever. “Mario Kart” will not be going anywhere, but this girl and many others like her will if you don’t figure yourselves out.

Lie #3: Being friendly, in our book, equals  “leading us on.” Therefore, in the interest of protecting us from thinking you want to pursue us romantically, acknowledge us as little as possible.

It’s sweet that you’re trying to guard our hearts. Really. But much like we can’t own your libido when we dress (see this phenomenal essay on modesty that I adore), you can’t own our emotions when you engage us in conversation. So, engage us in conversation. I don’t get why guys think it’s okay to be rude and standoffish during social occasions. What you’re playing at? It sucks to be ignored! Pleasantries are pleasant! Say hello when we’re standing three feet away from each other; chat about the weather, ask about classes, whatever- we’re friends, so let’s act like it. Believe it or not (and I don’t know where you got this idea), we are not 12 year-old-girls at a 6^th grade dance; if you acknowledge us in public, we will not be writing our first names with y’all’s surnames in Hello Kitty journals after recess.

Lie #4: Dates mean high costs, expectations.

Do I have standards for a guy? Yes. But if we’re just getting to know each other, I’m not expecting an all-expense trip to Santorini here, nor “Pride and Prejudice” theatrics. Hello. Let’s just chat. Laugh. I’ll even split the check. If conversation makes you nervous, let’s ease into it by going to a movie. No. Pressure.

Lie #5: It’s okay that I don’t socialize or interact with other girls/guys, because my spouse will fall out of the sky.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn, because I have struggled for a long time with a false sense of introvertism (is this a word?). But God got my attention. How? Because He reminded me with that I cannot love Him well in a vacuum*.

Do I believe that God has someone planned for me? Yes yes yes yes yes. But do I believe that the TV will turn on by itself? Nope. I’ve got to get up and turn it on. In the same vein, I’ve got to meet Jesus halfway! I’ve got to ask Him to develop in me the characteristics of the woman who will one day be a good wife. And how do I do that? By meeting people, interacting with people, serving people. I’ve got to leave my dorm room occasionally. When Jesus said, “go out and make disciples of all men,” he didn’t indicate that we were to Facebook stalk them into submission, but instead to go out. One cannot say “I’m focusing on my relationship with Christ right now” and go into a hole. We are a social creation, of whom God said, “it is not good for man to be alone.”

This means that the sexes will have to mingle if we are to be a representation of a functioning, vibrant, Christ-centered community. We might as well enjoy each others’ company! Now, does that mean that we are to date indiscriminately, to turn into some absurd lady killer or Scarlett woman? No no no. “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial,” the Bible warns us in 1 Corinthians. Yet conversely, I think a lot of us are waiting for it to rain when God’s saying, “I invented hoses for a reason!” Check out Acts 1:11: “Men of Galilee,” they said, “why do you stand here looking into the sky?” We are constantly called to action by Christ, to do things that make us uncomfortable so that we grow.

Lie #5 : My decision to ignore the opposite sex doesn’t hurt anyone.

False. Do you know how many tearful conversations I’ve been a part of because of the passivity and indecision of Christian men? I don’t think you realize the pain you are causing by not knowing what it is you want.

This is best evidenced by a conversation I had about dating with a Christian guy whom I consider a friend. I discussed how, in my own experience, a lot of girls who are frustrated with the disinterest of the great guys around them are caught in this spiral of self- loathing. Guy doesn’t ask me out- there’s something wrong with me (I’m not pretty enough, skanky enough, enough enough enough)- I need to change, or be aggressive (and we’ve already established that this bothers guys). This is coming from girls who love Jesus, who get their ultimate value in Him, and who are otherwise incredibly confident. This was (is!) me! This is a tool of the devil, and it is a powerful one. Yet my friend was astonished that the nonaction of Christian men was in part catalyzing behaviors and attitudes that he and many like him really disliked in Christian women, and my frustration at the novelty of this idea was extreme.

Furthermore- and this is something that us ladies need to work on- this gender divide is creating a bitterness in a lot of Christian females that is crippling, destructive, and exhausting.

Lie #6: Women just want romance and have a minimal sex drive.

Friends, we are sexual creatures and have sexual desires. All of us. While I acknowledge that men are wired in different ways than women and their struggles aren’t always the same, it’s frustrating and disillusioning to suppose that guys are alone in the fight against lust, naughty fantasies, the objectification of the opposite sex, and pure thoughts on the beach. This is not true! I and many women like me battle against these things, too.

Lie #7: I don’t need to interact with real women, because my thought life and the contents of my hard drive are much more interesting; I don’t have to try, and there’s no strings attached. 

I would wager that if Christian men and women spent more time interacting in a low-pressure environment with Bible-believing members of the opposite sex, the desire to rely on pornography as a source of relief would decrease. Is it a scientific fact? I don’t know. Perhaps I’m oversimplifying.  But from my perspective, it just seems as though we’re getting more and more uncomfortable with each other while the percentage of pornography users in the Church grows. This problem is an essay for another day, but essentially, porn is crippling Christian men and women, stunting their relational abilities while placing incredible pressures on the opposite sex.

Lie #8: Non-Christian girls have a more low-key approach to relationships, therefore it’s a good idea for me to pursue them instead of the Christian crazies who want to marry me after the first date.

No. Wrong. So wrong. This one makes me mad. Why? Because I’ve lived it. I’ve faced the judgment of high-and-mighty brothers in Christ, who made me feel like crap because my evangelistic strategies were not as militant as theirs, because I liked to wear two-pieces in the summer, and because I thought their concepts of submission were delusional (We’ll touch on this shortly.). Yet the girls they constantly found themselves drawn to- and the ones that they pursued- were those that they made sure us “good Christian girls” knew we were never to act like. Double standard?

Now, this is not a judgment call on those women, nor is it saying that I or the ladies around me are saints. Heck. No. It’s just a call for consistency between the words and actions of my brothers. So, you say you love the Word and want all to be called to it. Then what does “do not be yoked together with an unbeliever” (2 Corinthians 6:14) mean to you? You tell the Christian girls around you that you’re uninterested in dating right now as you want to focus on your relationship with God, yet you pursue a non-Christian girl. Tell me: how will she spur you towards Christ? If a Christian girl couldn’t do it, than a non-believer sure as heck can’t either.

Lie #9: Submission is a divine right that all men receive from their ladies- may they be girlfriends or wives.

Submission is a good, Godly thing, so this lie is partly true. However, when Paul talks about wives submitting to their husbands in Ephesians 5, he states that men are supposed to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. That’s some incredible love!

However, unlike with Jesus, this kind of human affection is earned. I will most certainly submit to my husband- I’ll make him sandwiches everyday for the rest of his life if it’ll make him happy- but this will be after he’s proven to me he is capable of striving towards loving me like my Lord does. If not? Well, then have a nice day- I won’t be marrying you and we won’t have any issues.

What makes this lie so dangerous, however, is that it assumes that submission is a mandate used to justify misogyny in all types of male-female relationships. Seeing as we’ve already stated that love goes hand-in-hand with submission, it should never be used as tool for enslavement.  What, then, is the proper context for this practice?   Let’s  look at the language Paul uses-notice how he states submission is for “husbands and wives.” Not boyfriends and girlfriends. Not brothers and sisters in Christ. It comes with marriage. Please, take note.

***

Gentlemen, your Christian sisters are sick and tired of this relational confusion. We want to be your friends! We want to get to know you! We want to spend time with you! Zetus lepidus, we want to encourage you as you run hard after Christ! Show us how to do this. Meet us halfway. Stop being scared or indecisive or lazy or whatever it is that is holding you back from being the men of God we know you are capable of being.

So: let’s smash the metaphorical Horcrux (he he he) and work together to achieve this goal. The truth is, ignoring us,  acting as though we’ll go away and re-appear when you want a wife, and feeling as though we have these absurd expectations of you isn’t getting anyone anywhere. May I make a suggestion for a good first step? Ask us out to lunch and we can discuss, maybe, how we can best encourage each other over some Commons mac n’ cheese.

I’ll-we’ll- be waiting.

xoxo,
Courtney

*I wish I could remember where I read this. Props to the forgotten author; I can’t take the credit!