A Man

I tried to watch the first “Star Wars” a few weeks ago (“A New Hope”) because I was kind of surprised at myself that I hadn’t seen the whole thing in such a long time.

It didn’t go very well.

I just couldn’t focus. Perhaps if they had introduced Harrison Ford a bit earlier, I’d have stayed true, but I just couldn’t. My attention span finally had it during the scene when the audience first meets Luke Skywalker. I forget the exact dialogue, but he is told by his uncle that he can’t do something, and with a petulant kick and a first-grade worthy, “Buy whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,” he unintentionally inspired me  to x out of Youtube and nearly barf in my mouth.

“Didn’t Princess Leia have a thing for Luke before she knew they were related?” I had thought to myself (yes, I have an inner monologue. Sometimes, it changes to match the diction of a book that I particularly liked. NBD).  “Why? Oh, gross.”  I then immediately put myself in Leia’s shoes. She’s got Luke. She’s got Han. Compare. Contrast. From the very little I knew of the series and these two characters, her decision (in my eyes) boiled down to this: “Leia darling, do you want a boy (Luke) or a man (Han)?”

I knew what I would say if I were her, and my answer has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that with few exceptions, I think Harrison Ford is one of God’s most beautiful male creations.

I. Want. A. Man.

This thought put me in one of my furious writer moods, and the following rant was born.  I feel slightly vulnerable putting this up here for everyone to read, but after some convincing I realize that there is goodness in making my romantic intentions, boundaries, and standards clear, if not only for myself.

The purpose of this piece is not some open letter to boy-kind demanding perfection; no, I am not at staggering level of maturity myself, nor would I want (or expect) a flawless man. Yet after finding myself (with few exceptions) surrounded by males who are old enough to know better, I felt it was time to stop walking with my eyes on the pavement. I want something more than this, and I believe that God has someone bigger than this, and guess what? I’m not saying uncle until I find it.

No. I am not asking for perfect man, but the perfect man for me. God knows who that is.

And he ain’t no boy- he’s a man.




My thought begin…now! (Okay, almost. Reminder- this was essentially a journal entry before I was told to post this. Be kind.)

I am not interested in a boy. I have no time for boys. Boys that want to chase tail and laugh at butt jokes and talk about Transformers, don’t waste your time with me.

I don’t want a boy. I want a man.

And not just any man. A man who looks himself in the mirror and can live with himself because he’s confident. A man that is happy to be generous and hard working, who is kind to his siblings and the janitors where he works.  A man who remembers the little things and asks me questions because he’s interested in hearing the answers. Who takes care of himself out of a desire to be healthy, not because he feels the need to win some unspoken beauty contest. I want a man who feels comfortable liking the things he likes, disliking the things he doesn’t, and speaking up with verve when he has thoughts (and conversely, keeping quiet when his ideas are superfluous). I want a man who laughs and makes others laugh, who is kind, who likes books and learning and is a custodian of his mind. I want a man who isn’t passive, who has a passion and is moved by the things he loves; a go getter. I want a man who isn’t controlling, who knows when to lead and when to go with the flow, who is humble and responsible, mature but young at heart, eager to please but never to settle. I want a man with a mouth as clean as his heart; who likes to drink because it’s delicious not because he wants to forget. I want a man of Christ, who wants to be more like his Father and less like the world, who wants to help develop in me the qualities of His creator, and to encourage the love of God in the children he one day hopes to have. I want a man who loves animals, knows how to have fun, who will not be afraid to be spontaneous and have adventures but will know when settle down. I want a man who respects me and doesn’t laugh because I love Harry Potter and Disney because he loves them too. I want a man who wants to vacation with his kids and knows how to unwind, and whose ear isn’t glued to his cell phone. I want a man who puts family first but can also put together an ensemble, who will be my best friend and keep my secrets and still love me when I’m old and the only thing worth loving is my heart. I want a man who sees me for my body but more for my mind and soul and spirit; who loves my family and my dogs and smiles. I want a man to remember my birthday and surprise me with flowers and hug me just because; who likes to eat out (and eat in general!) and cook with the windows open when it’s raining. I want a man who sees the good in everything and everyone, who wants to kiss me in the rain and be my Indiana Jones.

It’s a tall order. One for my man.

P.S. I’m waaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiittttttiiiiiiiiiiiinggggg for you.

Inspired by the contrast between luke skywalker and han solo.


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